Our Marriage Journey, Part 1

JESSICA: My husband and I are nearing our ninth wedding anniversary and the anniversary of pivotal events in our marriage. As the date approaches, I feel both grief and gratitude. I would like to share more of our story in the next weeks and I pray it brings clarity and encouragement to aching hearts in struggling marriages.

I remember the night everything ended in May of 2021. It was late at night after the kids were in bed.

One hard conversation had led to another and there I was again, sobbing and saying I couldn’t do it anymore for the thousandth time.

I don’t know why this time didn’t go like all the others. I’m not sure what made it final, or why I stepped aside and let the broken pieces lay shattered on the floor instead of hurrying to sweep up the mess. I’m not sure what made me not accept the empty words again. Or why I didn’t go to bed like normal and let reality drift away in my sleep.

But what I did know that night, was that I felt utter hopelessness inside. I looked at a clear picture in my mind of what I was becoming. I looked at a future filled with what we were creating. The reality of what would become if we stayed together, was greater than the fear of what would happen if we were apart.

It gave me the courage to say the hardest words I’ve ever said.

I felt my hands unclench and that ball of yarn I held tightly, dropped to the floor. I watched helplessly as it rolled towards the door. I just stood there and let it all unravel before my eyes. It was over, and this time we were actually separating.