Our Marriage Journey, Part 5

BROCK: I looked around the cabin where I had just moved in a numb daze. The small room before me would be where I would spend every night alone. It didn't feel real, but the painful reality began to take over. We were separated, and I couldn't go home whenever I wanted to.

I had no one to hide behind and nothing to fall back on anymore. I was alone with myself and the consequences of my actions.

I recognized that I needed to pursue wellness regardless of wether I would ever have the chance to move back in with my family or not. I had a huge opportunity to truly start caring about myself and to do whatever it took to become a healthy person. This reality gave me hope and courage.

We wanted our children to spend time with us both when they could, so I would stop on the way home from work to be with them. Jess was usually in another room or out of the house while I was there. We had committed to pursuing our own healing with limited interaction between us during separation.

I had been seeing a counselor every week and journaling, but I realized I was going to have to take it more seriously if I was going to get anywhere. I had also agreed to start attending a weekly men's accountability group, and I found one through the church we were attending.

The initial group I attended was an eight week overview of several aspects of dysfunction and its causes, affects, etc. Those eight weeks exposed lies I had believed for many years. One of the big ones was that sex is a man’s need and that our spouses are obligated to meet that need whenever we want them to. More on that later.

After the initial eight week group, our group leader gave us the opportunity to go through a 10 month program that dove deeply into getting free from destructive living while learning to live a healthy life in general. We would learn how to break through denial, face both the pain we had endured throughout our own lives as well as the pain our choices and behaviors had caused our families, rewire an addicted brain, heal and nurture our own hearts, put guard rails in place to keep us from falling back into unhealthy habits and relapses, and other incredibly important tools.

I entered the program and Jess joined a group for betrayed women.

I learned that my problems went far beyond the one symptom of sexual addiction. The other destructive behaviors in my life would only worsen if I focused solely on my sexual issues. I needed to go beneath the surface to connect with the trauma that was fueling all the dysfunction in my life if I was going to create lasting change. I knew it would be painful but I was hopeful for a better future.