Our Marriage Journey, Part 3

BROCK: I remember the night Jess told me that we needed to separate. She told me those things through her tears after I had apologized and promised to do better again.

As I sat there looking at her, I felt the familiar urge to run back into the comfortable prison of denial that I had used to protect myself for so many years. I wanted to run, but I had to face the truth.

I was a broken man who had no sense of self or worth. I claimed to love my wife and my children, but I didnt know how to truly love myself or anyone else.

I had unresolved trauma that made it impossible to develope trust and mutual respect in our relationship. I had a toxic view of what it meant to be a man and leader, and I had bought the lie that men need sex and are therefore entitled to receive it. I had a wrong view of God and objectified women. My mindset was shrouded in religious legalism and performance. I was emotionally abusive to my wife, neglectful of my childrens feelings, and constantly chasing a high.

Sitting in this reality, I couldnt pretend everything was okay anymore. Jess and I were separating, and I would be moving out. I could take responsibility for my own health with the hope of eventually reconciling with Jess, or I could keep going through the toxic cycle alone.

It took some time and many painful realizations, but I started making steps toward healing.